I’m a teen, so I’ve heard all that jazz about teen depression. I don’t indulge in destructive behavior for attention. I used to think that anyone who talked about their problems, or went to a therapist, was weak. I mean, my oddities always affected me, but why acknowledge them? Everybody has problems, everybody has sadness, everyone’s a little odd, you know?
Just for starters, I’m pretty sure I’m not depressed. There’s no reason why I should be. I haven’t been through emotional upheaval, my family life’s great, I have friends, and have no family history of it. I have been, however, alone most of my life. My sister likes being with her friends, and both my parents work, so for hours at a time I would be home by myself. I spent my time writing.
I do go through manic-depressive states, albeit gradual ones. some days, I will be excited and focused, sociable, and even inappropriate: making loud, random noises, talking too loudly or wildly, saying odd things, etc. then, out of nowhere, I will be irritable, suspicious—even paranoid, go through crying spells, feel so worthless about the future that I express hypocritical pessimism about goals I’d been eager about before. I will be massively tired, and recently I’ve been sleeping in class, which I’ve never done before and isn’t the result of insomnia, since I get about nine hours of sound rest (minus weekends). My views about the future change sporadically, without reason. I suffer headaches and (sometimes crippling) aches and pains, some to do with digestion, that don’t have a source and don’t react to medication. but the last checkup I went to yielded normal results.
I don’t get bad grades. I don’t abuse drugs or alcohol. I never quit paying attention to my schoolwork, even if I’ve quit sports before due to my inability to focus and my irrational hatred for my coaches (I take constructive criticism very harshly and personally). As far as suicide goes, I think about it often. but I know I would never do it, and I’ve never given any indication that I wanted to. even if sometimes I relish the thought, I would never kill myself.
I am also freakishly creative. I have written two huge, complicated novels in abnormally short periods of time. I have, for no reason, come to hate my first book. My current inability to focus has led me to abandon work on the latest.
I also deal with fantasies. They’ve always been intricate, even when I was small. They never have anything to do with me personally. They’re like TV shows in my head. They are so vivid that I absolutely stop taking note of my surroundings—I have run into things, made faces at blank stretches of wall, upheld full-length, whispered conversation with myself in public (people have seen and asked what I’m saying; I have a store of excuses built up). The list goes on. I have created a track in my carpet from pacing. I am 100% sure that these are just fantasies, though. I can draw a very clear line between reality and dream.
Just shooting in the dark, I’d say I was bipolar, and/or a Fantasy Prone Personality, or possibly autistic. or maybe everyone does things like this. It would be enormously reassuring to know that this is just the teen blues. Although I am not happy, and some mornings I don’t get up, I don’t relish the thought of going to a shrink. They’re expensive, and I don’t believe they work. I want to improve my situation, however. maybe an increase in exercise would help?
That either sounds like BiPolar Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder. good luck getting the help you need.
Suicidal thoughts are more common than people like to think, especially in both teenagers and people who have pretty intense feelings about stuff. It's acting them out which is not normal. not taking criticism (even constructive criticism) is completely normal for many people, even well past the teen years!
You're a teen. The fact is that your brain is undergoing some pretty major changes and developments during these years.
You know what? At this point I reckon you're a normal teenager who is highly creative but perhaps a bit more "intense" or stressed than the average joe. Bipolar is a possibility, but bipolar is so loosely defined that you could call heaps of people that! I wouldn't rush to call you bipolar just yet.
What is really positive is that despite the fact you're having some fairly random thoughts and emotions, you have WAY more insight at your age than I would expect. You know your feelings. You know when you're being irrational. You can tell fantasy from reality. Sheesh. I wish all teens could do that! 
"Insight" is an amazing quality, and will save you from doing all manner of silly things when it comes to your own behaviour.
Add to that, that you seem very intelligent. The headaches etc? Well, you seem to function on higher than normal levels of stress. that could be a factor. a certain degree of stress is essential for everyday alertness and functioning, but too much is not so good.
Definately sounds like Bi-Polar....
U dont have to go to a shrink, but u should go to ur doctor and tell him wat u just told us, and he will ask u a couple of questions and if he thinks you need it - he will put u on medication.
And the medication will really help to level ur moods out a bit.
Good Luck! 
Am I—to put it nicely—mentally ill?
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