Clinical Depression. I have all the signs/symptoms of it except for attempted suicide.?

i have thought about suicide but never actually carried out with it. My inner strength is too strong to kill myself. MY friends depend on me. I cant kill that. I really need help though. I've had depression for about 1.25 years and now its just getting to the point where all i do is cry. half an hour in the shower and about an hour or so before i sleep. Maybe longer. it has taken over my life that i have begun to hate dance [was once my passion], hate school..i use to love it and get all A's..now im getting D's and C's and stuff, I have low self-esteem and cant concentrate. I'm basically about to collapse. I have no clue what to do about this. I havent had a true smile for over an year and its truely killing me inside. I FEEL like a lifeless piece of crap walking around. I dont know what to do. I rather not go to a doctor and talk to them. is there any way to get internet help? perhaps a way to talk to a psycologist/ psyciatrist online and see what is really wrong with me. im dying

This sounds really horrible for you, and there's no doubt you are depressed. not all depressed people are suicidal. By the way, 'clinical' depression only means a doctor has diagnosed it - it's not a different sort of depression.

Feeling this bad about yourself must make life feel pretty pointless, and I'm not surprised to hear that you no longer have a passion for dance and are getting lower marks at school. What I am surprised about is that no-one seems to have noticed and talked to you about it. Haven't your teachers been concerned about your low marks? Haven't your parents noticed that you're not your old self? I am anxious about the fact that you feel you have to be there for friends, that they depend on you, as this suggests you have become someone who never asks for help and is seen as 'strong' - so people don't even notice when you're falling apart.

This really can't go on, as you know. I wonder why you don't want to go to a doctor and why your preference would be for the impersonal world of faceless internet counselling. I feel this is part of your problem - that you have developed a way of surviving that involves not exposing your real self to anyone. Face-to-face counselling is, I think, likely to be essential if you really want to get better. it will be tough, I'm not going to pretend - but the fact that you've posted this question suggests that some part of you really does want to go through the fire in order to come out the other side, and I hope you will.

If you're in the UK, going to your GP is a good first step, and confidential. You may be offered drugs, and this might be helpful in the short term - I emphasise SHORT term - if you can also get psychotherapy/counselling. Emphasise to the GP that waiting six months or more for a few sessions of counselling really isn't going to cut the mustard. as you are of school age, you SHOULD get a referral to a CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service) team. try to push for this.

Any online or face-to-face counselling or psychotherapy is going to cost money, and unless you are working at weekends, this would present a major problem. the GP really is your best bet. ask further if this doesn't work out well.

I really hope you can find a way through. You sound like a sensitive, creative, interesting person and I feel sure that you could have a great and fulfilling life if you can find a way to face the problems that have led you into depression. I'll be thinking of you....

Clinical Depression. I have all the signs/symptoms of it except for attempted suicide.?

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