How to make my stance on abortion stronger?

Please Proofread my paper, and tell me how/where I can edit it to make my position on abortion/tenn pregnancy stronger.

Life is full of difficult situations, and sometimes we have to choose between two options and not want to do either. if you were a sixteen year old junior in high school and found out you were pregnant. would you keep the baby or would you get an abortion? if it were me in that situation, I would keep the baby because of religious reasons and it would save myself from possible regret later. Abortion is the intentional termination of a pregnancy by killing an embryo or fetus and I don’t believe that is right.
In the bible, there are numerous instances in which God touches on the topic of abortion. for example, “If men who are fighting hit a pregnant woman and she gives birth prematurely but there is no serious injury, the offender must be fined whatever the woman’s husband demands and the court allows. But if there is a serious injury, you are to take life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise.” Exodus 21: 22-25. This is saying if the baby dies the attacker is to be given the death penalty. What God explains is that the life of an adult man is of equal value and worth as an unborn fetus. he says “you are to take life for life…” God considers this baby alive and the loss of that life is considered a murder.
Another reason I wouldn’t want an abortion is because of the regret it could cause later. Abortion is a gruesome process. if the abortion is done within the first thirteen weeks, a vacuum aspiration procedure is done. it creates a suction to remove the pregnancy. The longer you wait to have the abortion though, the more horrific the procedure can be. if the abortion takes place during the second trimester, it would take place over two consecutive days. They would have to insert a dilator that is left in over night and on the second day the fetus/baby is separated into pieces and removed. if the abortion takes place during the third trimester, a process called Partial Birth abortion has to take place. The baby is pulled out by the legs by the abortionist with a pair of forceps. The abortionist delivers the baby’s entire body except the head. Then, the abortionist jams scissors into the back of the baby’s skull and opens them to enlarge the whole. The scissors are removed and a suction tube is inserted to suck out the brains, causing the skull to collapse. these processes are so terrible, many women suffer from PASS or Post Abortion Stress Syndrome. It’s a condition that can affect women after an abortion. Some women will have a difficult time recovering after an abortion. it is possible that a woman will have feelings of grief, guilt, and loss. if the feelings become severe, she may suffer from PASS. many women with PASS will have strong suicidal thoughts or suicide attempts, depression, inability to function, and other symptoms. why would any woman want to put herself through that? I think that abortion is simply a wrong decision to just “get rid of a mistake” and could haunt you for the rest of your life.
Many people argue that life doesn’t begin at conception and the fetus isn’t a baby but an embryo. if this is true, then when women miscarry why do they say “I lost the baby.”? They don’t look at what they lost as just an embryo, but an actual baby. People also argue that abortion should be allowed for people that wouldn’t be able to continue the pregnancy because of health problems or they want to terminate the pregnancy because of rape or incest. In these situations, I do agree that abortion is an acceptable option. But only 6% of abortions are because of health reasons and only 1% is because of rape or incest. The other 93% is because the child is wanted or is inconvenient. So, many more people are using abortion for unacceptable reasons than good. I think abortion should be illegal except in special circumstances.
Life is full of difficult situations, and sometimes we have to choose between two options and not want to do either. if I was a sixteen year old junior in high school and I found out you were pregnant. I would definitely keep the baby. my mom got pregnant when she was a junior in high school. she never once considered abortion because she felt it was wrong. she decided to keep her baby, and her and her boyfriend (my dad) got married when she was four months along. I was that baby that she was pregnant with, and she is still married to my dad today. That is why I am so strongly against abortion is because if my mom didn’t feel the way she does about it, I wouldn’t be here. Abortion is not morally right; it is the destruction of a life for which God had plans. it is the process in which human beings take life out of the hands of God, and deliver it to death.

I like your "Life is full of difficut situations..." line - I think that captures it very well and shows you to be aware of the difficulties of teenage pregancy and the choice of abortion. I think the story about you being the not-aborted child is also very convincing. I don't know how old you are but I thought it was good.

But losing the bit on religion would make it stronger - it would make it more rational, it would seem more thought through. how does religion show that abortion is wrong? if I chose to not be religious would abortion still be wrong etc? however, the essay seems to be about your feelings towards abortion and this is clearly a large aspect of that.

Also the part when you say that you don't agree with it because it could cause you regret later. This isn't a structured reason, this is a feeling. Then by describing the process of abortion you stray further from the point.why would it cause you regret later - is it a painful process physically/emotionally?

"many people argue that life doesn’t begin at conception and the fetus isn’t a baby but an embryo. if this is true, then when women miscarry why do they say “I lost the baby.”?" -- miscarriage and abortion are seperate issues. I wouldn't combine the two. Women say "I lost the baby" when they miscarry because most of the time they want the baby, and are emotionally attatched. it is not valid evidence for you point - instead maybe put in information on when embryos are able to feel pain etc

Here's how I would structure it...
INTRO
ABORTION IS WRONG
- embryo/baby issue
- gruesome process - harrowing/dangerous
- religious grounds
TEENAGE PREGNANCY
- its possible (eg. my mom)
CONCLUSION

I'd also think maybe how you would respond to pro-choice arguments...
When does life begin?
Is an unwanted baby any better off than an aborted baby?
How can a child look after a child - teenage pregancy?

and then maybe put some of your response into the essay. it will make it look stronger.

GOOD LUCK!

Okay..

Your vocabulary needs to be strengthened. I don't know what grade you are in, but as you progress (and especially in college) teachers will expect a strong voacb. Generally in papers, the use "me" "you" and "I" doesn't fly. Take those words out and the argument may be stronger. there are many ways to substitute words for I, me, and you.
I also noticed that you said something along the lines of "the abortionist jams the scissors" Jams? Nooo..that is a 5th grade word. it doesn't make you sound intelligent at all. try using simple words like inserts or places.

Your thesis also needs to be stronger. Explain the main topics of your paper in the thesis.

Also, once you progress in school, teachers will generally not accept the use of ? and !.

In one of your paragraphs, you contradict yourself. You say that you are against abortion, but then you say that you approve of some abortions. Make up your mind and stick to one point.

Depending on what type of paper this is, the paragraph about your mom's experience should be taken out. Along with the religion paragraph. if you can find more back up to that then keep it. try mentioning that your religion doesn't approve of abortion, but others may.

How to make my stance on abortion stronger?

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