I'm addicted to vicodin, and it is ruining my life, how can I stop?

Just to give you an overview, i have an extremely addictive personality, i have had drug problems in the past, but then i was clean for 7 years, somehow i managed to find myself in this position again tho, and its worse than ever.. I started taking vicodin about a year and a half ago to dull the pain of a terrible break up i had, due to my girlfriend getting an abortion and cheating on me and it was a mess, i used them as a crutch because they made me feel manic. I eventually went from taking 3 and 4 a day, to taking literally, maybe 25-30 a day. I had a very successful career, i made $81,000 last year, and I spent it all on pills, literally, i have nothing to show for it. Vicodin are going for anywhere from 3-4 bucks a pill right now, so you do the math... i eventually met a new girl, i wont mention her name, but she was the girl of my dreams, i fell hard for her, and i fell fast. she fell in love with me too, i shared with her that i "used to be" addicted to vicodin, even though i still ate them every hour like candy, i don't know why i told her i used to do them, especially since i was high every moment she knew me... she fell in love with me, the high me, the vicodin me, and she caught me using them twice, once in october, once in december.. in october, i promised i would stop, i didn't, when she caught me in december, she left me, and i actually stopped... for about 2 weeks... then like clockwork, i was back on them. I am not making as much money now, i have spent everything i have on these pills, and i still love them more than anything, i wont lie, i love the high, the peace, the manic feeling i get, everything... i love it... i never was able to feel happy much in my life, i always suffered from extreme depression, and these just fixed it.. but they change me, they change me for the worst, the absolute ******* worst. i become the devil when im on them, i am a terrible, irritable person and because i use at such a regular basis, i have been able to control it, but lately, i have been losing control, and i have torn apart the best relationship i have ever had, i pushed her out... i forced her to leave with the anger and the issues, all because of my pills.. she left me.. i am broke, depressed and alone, and the girl i loved more than anything is out right now trying to forget about me so she stops hurting, and i deserve it.. she loved me SO much... and i ruined it... and the best part is? to cope with this pain, i am using this an excuse to get stoned, all day, all night, i am lit... i am the true definition of an addict, i cant afford rehab, and even though i have all this loss, the worst part is is that i dont want to stop taking them.. this is the true downfall of the addict, even in the face of us coughing up blood, and losing everything, we still go out and make this choice every single day to continue to destroy ourselves... i am ashamed, and depressed, and ive never felt so alone, yet i still sit here, putting these pills in my mouth like theyre potato chips, chewing them up and swallowing... i dont know what to do, i am helpless here, and i honestly wish i just had somebody to talk to, because i dont know anybody who understands what it is to be in this situation... if youve never been an addict, you can never grasp what it is like to not be able to say no, or to be presented with so much negativity from your actions, yet still not WANT to say no, so please, if you feel the need to insult me, or put me down, or say things to hurt me, i am hurting enough, if you have nothing to say that you think will help me, i simply ask that you spare me any horrible comments meant to remind me that im a worthless piece of **** who deserves what i had happen to me... i know that i am, and i promise you i am suffering greatly because of it. so if any of you are able to talk to me, and know what it is like to lose everything you have to addiction, please help me

I understand where you are coming from dude, I am having the same problems w/ norco's right now. My hand is broke so I am hunting and pecking on this keyboard w/ my left hand. Email me if you want to talk. take care

I'm addicted to vicodin, and it is ruining my life, how can I stop?

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