Should I tell anyone I am depressed?

I told my mother flat out that I was depressed. I told her two times that I am going to kill myself. and she hasn't done anything. she just told me, "oh don't start that" or "don't say that". That's because I have seen three psychologists during my lifetime (I'm 17 now). the last two psychologists I was seeing, not because my parents were concerned for me, but because I was a "behavior problem in their household". and I actually had one mental breakdown, where I was taken to the hospital and drug tested. each psychologist got nowhere with me because I was shy and my parents just abruptly stopped taking me, ignored a letter that was sent asking why I had stopped coming, and then shunned therapy because they think it's a waste of time, I'm a "selfish little asshole", and they don't want to waste money.

The funny thing is is that I am not a bad kid. Actually I'm in honors classes, I am a year-round varsity athlete, I do clubs and organizations, community service, and I work. I have good relationships with my teachers and coaches who are they only adults in my life that complement me on anything. That's about all I do. I never had a girlfriend. I don't get out much. and now I'm developing a mental illness that's affecting me socially and making me suicidal.

Last night I was crying at 2:00 in the morning and then I grabbed a knife and walked around thinking about slashing my arms. I wound up calming down and falling asleep, however.

I am pretty sure, however, that I'm going to kill myself the path I'm headed. I try very hard to stay in shape, good looking, and successful. however, I have no joy or love at all in my life and I have come to hate myself vehemently. My family hates me too. My sister is a weird ***** who hasn't said a kind word to me for three years. My mother is stressed out everyday and yells at me and insults me. and my father criticizes me and always backs my mother up.

They only reason I am holding back is because I have some hope when I go away to college that I will start enjoying things. That's what my doctor (medical doctor) told me when I got a physical and noticed I was unhappy.

But you see, I am, as described by a few girls I desperately tried to connect with, "weird". I can be very cool and socially connected at times. but other times, too often, I disconnect, become afraid of talking to people, and grow depressed. Then other times, I become gitty and act very inappropriately. My guy friends think that it's just my unique sense of humor and find it amusing. but a lot of others, including girls, move away. Then I get very frustrated, go home and cry, then start to hate myself and punch things, then I contemplate suicide.

This has only become severe starting this year. it was never like this before. but I have frequent mental breakdowns (about twice a week) where I forget all hope and move towards ending my life. I think about running head first into a train (there's one close to where I live) or overdosing.

I could swear to you that I am bipolar because 90% of the symptoms from every source I have read matches my feelings and behavior. it doesn't follow a typical pattern though, but I read that teenage bipolar disorder can be unpredictable and switch between phases in as little as a few hours (which happens to me). the only pattern I have though, is that I am usually manic in the evening and night and my symptoms are aggravated by sleep deprivation which I fight with as a result of both my schedule and my symptoms. My depression happens both morning and night. and usually I am in a stable mood in the afternoon or mornings when I have gotten a good amount of sleep.

I could tell my parents, but they wouldn't do ****, nor would they care. (I kid you not)

I would be embarrassed to tell anyone else, seeing as few are likely to take me seriously.

People know I am weird and moody. but few of them have seen my severe symptoms (except my ******* useless parents). I don't think anyone would really help me. My school would probably drug test me if I looked strange. and I am too embarrassed to tell my coaches. but my coaches wouldn't know what to do either and it would take a considerable amount of effort (excluding confidence) to get them to help me).

my symptoms sound alot like yours especialy the additional details part but i dont think you should ever killl yourself no matter how sad you are it wont help anything

hey,

i have depression too and i constantly think of killing myself. i just moved to college and it got worse. but i am not that selfish to do that to my family. when you are in those really low times watch a movie or try and sleep. if that doesn't work just call a friend to talk. you don't have to tell them why you are calling. it will distract you.

if you need to call 1-800-suicide. i am thinking about it myself. i heard they can give you resources to get help and they will just listen about your parents. they can give you suggestions to get help that you might not have realized.

before you ever act on suicidal thoughts, think of every side of it. what it will do to your family and friends, and that maybe you could get help soon, and then you wont be in pain anymore.

the first step to getting help will be the hardest. i just made my first step yesterday. i called the doctor and made an appointment. and ever since then it has been a little bit better because i know that soon i will have someone to talk to about it. and i have even told one of my friends about the appointment. i think that each day it will get just a little bit easier to open up to people about how i am feeling.

take care of yourself

Brother,

Your life is so precious.. dont ever think somethin stupid like that.. honestly i dnt see a reason for ya sayin.. everythin is in our mind yaar.. study soo soo hard ..everythin will be alryt.. learn somethin new.. n verychallenging like guitar or somethin.. B SMART

** dont write long questions.. its a turnoff for ppl as ppl values time.. times money..hope i would be replying to any of ya other questions in yahoo after 40 yrs too

Make a diary!! tell all the thoughts in you on the pieces of paper,you could show no one or show your best friend.

dont worry! when i was a kid i was just like you. my parents also were stingy about money and cared more about themselves. but you know what? i realized i couldnt rely on anyone but myself. i took matters into my own hands, and worked as hard as i could. i buried myself in my schoolwork so i wouldnt have to think about my family problems. and now... guess where i ended up! i am successful, and fairly famous (its possible youve heard of me). So dont give up! remember, you are doing this for YOURSELF, not for your parents to be proud of you. i sincerely wish you the best!

Ok so I did read the whole thing but honestly I was not even going to reply but I decided maybe I should, not because it is too long but because I don't really understand your question. yes you do have a problem but you see to have it pretty much figured out. you should tell your parents that you are sick so you can go to the doctor and print out your question so you will not have to say much, they will send you to someone who can help you, there is always a way to get some help. Just give them this and answer all of their questions truthfully, you will be helped and your shyness shouldn't be as big of a deal, plus you wont have to get to know the doctor before you feel like you can open up. Try it and see if it works.

Should I tell anyone I am depressed?

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